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satanic temple

Snake Oil and Fake Latin: The Satanic Coronavirus Grift

Satanists like to be experts. Arrogance is baked right in; you don’t just tell God to fuck off to His face without at least a little hubris. From knowledge comes certainty, and from certainty, confidence. Confidence is sexy, and above all, Satanists like to feel sexy. But few things are as genital-withering as the insecurity of diseased pride. Just a toe’s length beyond the line of cool confidence lies a simpering Dunning-Krugerism, a common-as-dirt impulse to assert yourself as an authority no matter how uninformed or unprepared you might be. There is the assumption that just because people are listening, you must have something to say. The Satanic Temple has…

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Lupercalia Is Awesome But It Isn’t A Satanic BDSM Holiday

In its bid to prove itself a “real religion” to the city of Scottsdale, Arizona for the purpose of a lawsuit, The Satanic Temple rolled out an assemblage of slapped-together “holidays” that was unquestioningly adopted by its more sycophantic members while being roundly criticized by others. While some are inane like “Your Birthday”, or self-aggrandizing like the Temple’s “Founding Day”, perhaps the most unfortunate and inexplicable inclusion is the ancient Roman fertility and purification festival Lupercalia. Consequently, Lupercalia has been billed by this increasingly-horny sect as a holiday celebrating BDSM, bodily autonomy, even asexuality as an afterthought when ace Temple members complained about this becoming an overtly heteronormative porkfest. Lupercalia…

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Raising the Bar for Satanic Aesthetics in an Era of Cringe

Ritual altar from Crossroads Assembly

Growing up during the Satanic Panic of the 1980s, I had a terrible fear of, and fascination with, “devil worshippers”. I never had to guess what Satanic aesthetics might look like, every adult in my life was happy to warn me. They wear black and red robes, pointy beards and other tedious, novelty facial hair. Other details changed to conform to the protean fears of white middle class parents: they might try to sell me drugs, or listen to heavy metal music, or, my personal favorite, entice me to play Dungeons & Dragons. Satanists were transformed into a terrifying bogeyman, central characters in playground superstition. We knew all about them,…

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