A popular heirloom seed company is in hot fascist water because we live in a hellworld.

You may know Cliven Bundy best as an insane racist rancher who got into an armed standoff with federal agents (and walked away, on account of being old, wealthy and white, and having a militia at his beck and call) over feeling entitled to graze his cattle for free, for decades, on vulnerable grasslands managed by the Bureau of Land Management.

Aiming a sniper rifle at BLM agents is one of those cool things white guys get to do.

After providing more libertarian stroke material than a middle school swim meet, Cliven Bundy largely faded back into the irritable bowels of middle Americans who can’t process information. A quick presser about how America is in upheaval because of abortion, and how ‘the Negro’ was probably better off picking cotton (I’m so sorry we live in a timeline where I even had to type that), and it was back to hell with this flaming diaper barge.

On Thursday, April 25th 2019, popular seed distributor Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds announced that antediluvian white supremacist Cliven Bundy would be attending their annual Spring Planting Festival, making their advertising the event using stock footage of a person of color particularly cringey.

After facing a perfectly appropriate amount of backlash for platforming a domestic terrorist, Baker Creek started with a predictable denial that they had any interest in Bundy beyond his work with seeds, which quickly spiraled into a textbook breakdown including an incoherent spiral about race.

No we don’t do that to “other races”, can you define “other races”, isn’t everyone all different races? Our owner is of Mayan descent-we got all shapes, sizes, colors-we don;t care what color anyone is. Again in our catalog mission statement-> “Seeds for Peace” section.— Baker Creek Seeds (@rareseeds) April 29, 2019

The usual plays included playing dumb that Cliven Bundy was even a controversial figure (they knew, as evidenced immediately in his part of this article on their website):

Bundy is better known for his involvement in a nationally publicized dispute over paying to graze cattle on public land. He had passed these seeds along with his other precious heirloom melon varieties to our Southwest gardener friend, just a few hours before Bundy’s fellow protester Levoy Finicum was shot at the infamous Oregon wildlife refuge occupation. Shortly after the shooting, Bundy was taken into custody and has been held without bail since. The last known steward of the ancient watermelon, Bundy, is Federally incarcerated at a prison outside of Las Vegas, Nevada.  
With this news, the Baker Creek team hit the road for the Nevada Southern Detention Center for an interview with the famous, or infamous, cattle rancher and melon ace. Although he was a far cry from his home garden in Bunkerville, NV, Cliven recounted his lifelong passion for melon growing and breeding with enthusiasm that transported us from the within prison walls, right to his beloved melon patch.

Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds (rareseeds.com), who had no idea Cliven Bundy was even a controversial figure.

Since then, the event has been canceled, citing violent threats from the left which almost certainly are real, and not a skirt behind which to hide from this publicity dirigible accident.

Reasons for canceling included the usual suspects, America being a place where you can’t even support domestic terrorism without losing business on account of the no free speech and violent antifa supersoldiers and what all, and naturally that they deeply appreciate their customers raising this concerns about which they had absolutely no idea about while visiting Cliven Bundy in prison, and that people are “just talking on Facebook”.

They went on to say, of course, that their family is comprised of literally every human ethnicity so there’s absolutely no way that they could say or do or support something racist, because of their dEeP coMmITmENt tO diVerSitY, and that also, you bet your britches they believe in the right to free speech for anyone, about everything, even people they disagree with.

Fortunately, they happen to agree with Cliven Bundy.

Jinx Strange is a perfumer, publisher and Archlector of the Luciferian Dominion. He holds certifications in Permaculture Design from Oregon State University, and Medicinal Plants from Cornell University.